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(6:06 p.m. - 8-08-2001 - deepdream - i feel  ) so hot. so bored. got a card from starz today, she thinks i'm mad at her. thank god i called her last nite. i would have felt really bad. so mark wasn't mad at me or anything, he said i love you, but i just didn't hear him. that's good to know. weird nite last nite. all rainy, and lots of lightning. he told me a story last nite. and i just bust out crying at the end. i don't know why either. stupid female emotions. it felt really good to cry though. then he left me. i wanted him to stay, but he wouldn't. don't remember too much after that. phone rang about 100000 times this morning. i swear for 30 min straight, it rang. of course i didn't pick it up, god it was like 7am. no message either. so it couldn't have been important. you gotta leave a message if you want me to call you back, or you'll never get ahold of me. just that easy. i have to do laundry tonite. big plans. so xcited. i got a birthday card to mail to nick from his long-lost 'aunt' containing $10. haha. feeling down. don't know why. guess it's just hot, and everyone already has plans, etc. i need a joe hug :( 6 more days..... oh god. i'll try my hardest to keep my mind off of it. i listened to mat's 3 newly posted songs. the one is nuts. meat and vegetables. crazy stuff. but the other one rain, it's damn good. the plugged-in version is great. i still like liar the best though. god i really hope i don't have to babysit tomorrow and fri. maybe i'll call her and tell her i can't do it. that'd be nice. i just hate getting up, babysitting, and then going straight to work, and closing! such a long boring day. :( jenn wants me to go to edinboro with her. i'm ready to go. but the only scary thing is, where will i go when school isn't in session? i still have another year to think about that. but i really want to go next year. probably the only freshman that will be able to drink-legally. haha. got a message from mom last nite, and pretty much ignored it. i had plenty of time to call her before she went to bed, but i just didn't want to do it. i'll call her tonite, i guess. hope she doesn't depress me anymore. damn, i had this strange dream last nite about people from chrysalis.... and of course about ge too. it started out by me walking down to ge. i knew they changed it, and when i went in, it was all different. but then, it changed into this little treehouse like thing. this tiny 'house' built way up on this tree, and there were tons of chrysalis people. we were all walking around in this house... in a straight line. and all these people knew who i was, and they were so happy to see me, but i hardly remembered who they are. laura and shari were there too. maybe it's just because i saw jenn stapko yesterday outside of ge. damn. i used to be so involved in all that religion. young and foolish. i trusted people who i shouldn't have. people everywhere are all alike. backstabbing, deceitful, jealous, etc. but there are a certain few that you encounter in your life that aren't that way. and when you find those ones, you better keep hold of them. they are valuable. but anyways..... i really don't know what i'm talking about anymore. i guess i should end this entry. cause i'm really not feeling so happy. so anything else i write, i'll probably end up just crying, well, that'll happen anyways... but you don't have to be here to witness it.... so bye. ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
