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(8:11 pm - 08.29.2001 - your solitude is welcome - i feel  ) ok wow. weird ass dream last nite (this morning) it started out in a mall (yay). i was back-to-school shopping i believe. lol. i was with someone. i know i saw my aunt hennie. and lindsay wallace worked at some store that made her wear this freaky uniform. weird. then we were in this store, looking at all these shirts. forever. i hate shopping! i know i saw a few reg. customers from ge in there, but, whatever. then.. that part was over, and i was at ctb's house cause she was having a birthday party. for some freaking reason there were only six people there. three girls and eventually three boys. we were all sitting around, waiting for jeff (the one that hates ;) me). we all wanted him. he finally showed up and for some reason, ctb decided to hook jeff up with one of us. she was like "hey! how about liz!" and then everyone turned to look at me. i said something like "too bad i already have a boyfriend, but i'd break up with him to go out with jeff." lol. jeff said he didn't want to date me. it was nearing the end of the party, and jeff was really upset cause he wanted to date ctb, but he said since i didn't like her and all, that opened his eyes to what she was really like. he was crying. i got his address, etc, whatever. so he and i were leaving, and for some reason ctb gave us presents. lol. i got some pens. and, a receipt. lmao. my pens were $1.30. so jeff and i were just walking down the road, and this red blazer(!!!) stopped and picked jeff up and i woke up. figures it came for jeff... =( just too weird. i wish i could get some people out of my mind. (ctb). well so far i only accomplished one of my goals. lol. i sent one card! yay. geez. i really wanted to clean the house tonite, but maybe i still will. it's still early lol. for me. i am going out tomorrow! i haven't been -out- of the house since sat. stir-crazy much. i gotta buy freaking dog food. and ice. lol. i don't have anything here anymore. no bread! lol. i gotta visit nick though, so that's my big project for tomorrow. jesus. i think everyone knows when sean drives by now. i mean before he just beeped. but now. god. his system rattles my whole house. and he still beeps. lol =) ohh i hope when i go to ge tomorrow i get to see the people i miss! that'd be cool. i forgot to do my damage on my last day! and i forgot to take my friggin radio! lol charles will be so mad. funny stuff. mom called today =^( she makes me so sad. i really don't want to call her back, cause i always end up crying after talking to her. i miss her. it's like she's dead. what a horrible feeling. oh no. right now i'm gonna cry again. everytime i think about 'family'... abandonment. it has to be happening for a reason. i just wish i knew why for!!! all emotion just drains, and there is nothing left but sadness and longing when this subject comes up.... ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 