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(11:19 pm - 10.09.2001 - who's is this aric character anyways....? - i feel  ) a preface: don�t read this entry if you don�t wanna hear a fucked up story about one of my �exs� it�s long and boring, but if you dare, go on..... hmmmmm ok. heh i finally got into mark�s email account, now time to do some damage!!! haha! no, i won�t do that. i just wanted to see what i sent him. it was funny, cause the first thing he still had that i sent to him, i sent it to a number of different people, and i didn�t know who most of them were. but one of the names included was aric. man, so it had to be awhile ago, but really, it was only in the beginning of 2000. it seems like �much- longer ago. so should i get started on that subject? not totally, but maybe a little xplanation, just because. so i was in my junior year of high school, and i met this guy, aric. i was 17, he was 24. he lived in alabama, and the whole thing was pretty fucked up. at first we were emailing each other, then that lead to phone calls. the beginning of a very weird long distance relationship. he called every nite, and when you�re 17, you believe you know everything, etc. that silly shit. he was a smoker, (yuck) but he stopped because i hate smokers, etc. so i truly thought i was in love with this guy. i would have done anything for him. i thought we were going to get married, live happily ever after. the whole relationship was so pure. hard to describe what i mean, but i know what i�m talking about, and that�s all that matters =P so the one day during study hall, i got a computer lab pass, and went down to check my email, cause he�d always email me before he went to work so i�d have something to read when i was at school. so i forget what the subject was, but i opened it up, and slowly as i read, i started freaking out.... the email went something like �i don�t know if you remember me telling you that we had mandatory blood tests done here at work, but when my results came back, i got called into the managers office. i was told that i have aids. i don�t want to hurt you, so i don�t think we should be together anymore.... etc, etc.� i flipped. i immediately started crying because first of all, he had aids, and second, i was naive enough to believe that i truly loved this guy, and he �didn�t want to hurt me� so he�d stop all contact. i thought, �hell, i love him, nothing should keep us apart.� man that day at school, i got in so much trouble! lol, i didn�t go to any of my other classes, i just sat in the hall and cried all day. what else could i have done? stupid me... so i sent him countless emails, lots of messages, etc. begging him to talk to me, whatever, i just wanted to see if he was ok. this went on for about a month. a month of me constantly crying, wondering what he was up to, i didn�t know how he had gotten aids, if he was dying, etc! it totally drove me nuts! so two days before thanksgiving, my mom and i were sitting at the kitchen table. she was going over some stuff with me cause she was going to be leaving to go to a nascar race the next day. i was sitting there, just thinking about aric. i guess she knew that i was thinking about him (she hated him!) and she asked me when was the last time i talked to him... well i answered that i haven�t talked to him in a month, and i never wanted to talk to him again. she says �thank god!� and a few minutes pass by... and then, the phone rings. my mom picks it up and she says it�s for me. my heart sank. no one ever called me but him... so i take the phone from her, and go into the bathroom. i say hello... aric says hi. the phone call is very brief. he goes on... �i have some xplaning to do, but i�d rather do it in person, do you mind if i come up and see you?� i reply �i don�t care.� he also says that he has something very important to ask me then says he�ll be there tomorrow. a million emotions rush through me. i cannot believe he�s coming all the way up to pa to visit me after a month of not talking to me. i was infuriated, and xcited, and hopeful, just everything... so now i go back in the kitchen. my mom asks if that was aric and what did he want? i tell her it was him, but he didn't say anything important. ohh bad move. if i would have told her that aric was coming up to see me, she never would have left the house the next day. so (omg my memory is so bad, i know all these dates are wrong) i believe it was thanksgiving. my parents had already left, and aric calls me... telling me he thinks he passed up my exit. he said he was in harleyville? he�s in a hotel and he�s going to get some rest, and then backtrack his way, and come over. he wanted me to call him around 5pm to wake him up, so then he gives me the number.... he started out 412 828, ohhhh. wait? 412-828????? only a veryyyyyy small area around here has those numbers... i know xactly where he is. i tell him that actually he�s about 5 minutes away from my house, that he�s in harmarville. i freaked out. he�s pissed that he�s already at the hotel, and just decides to get some rest there, since he already paid for the room. so i say ok, and he says he�ll be over around 6pm. then my friend jenn calls. she wants me to come over for awhile... so i do. i needed to be around someone to take my mind off of what might happen with aric. so she picks me up, and to get to her house, you had to go right by the hotel that aric was at. i lost it when i saw his red truck sitting outside of his room. i just couldn�t believe that he was actually here. so i went and spent some time with jenn, then i came home... and got ready. so 6pm rolls around, and i get a phone call. aric is now at ge!!! like a block away. i tell him xactly how to get to my house, and he says, ok be there in a second. i flip out yet again! so i turn on the light outside, and i wait. i see him pull up outside. so.. he finally figures out how to get inside (i have too many doors). he comes inside, and i�m in the bathroom. i know, i�m stupid, but i hid in the bathroom. i was frantically trying to call everyone i knew, trying to get them to come over. for some reason, i just didn�t want to be alone with him. so finally my best friend jason (we�ve known each other since he was born!) calls back and says he�ll be right down. so aric tries to coax me out of the bathroom, i tell him i�ll be right out. jason finally arrives, and i answer the door. then i�m fine. i introduce them. then we decide that there�s nothing to do, so we try and go rent some movies. it was thanksgiving. so we all get into aric�s truck and drive all around. he wanted to get some beer, etc. so for some reason we went to oakland... but nothing was open. so we drove out to monroeville. it was snowing. jason and i waited outside while aric went into the penn monroe tavern. he comes back out, and we try to find a video store. we went to the blockbuster in penn hills. we rented like three movies. i know we rented the dennis leary comedy special. i can�t watch that without thinking of him. so we come back here, and we all get trashed. i don�t remember too much of what happened.... but jason ended up falling asleep. can�t remember a damn thing after that. = ( so sometime in the nite, i find myself on my couch, and aric is in the recliner (what is it about men and recliners?) all nite, i�m in and out of sleep. sometime in the nite, aric flips over the recliner. lol. don�t ask. it was just weird. with jason there, we never talked, or at least, i don�t remember if we did. so finally morning comes and i�m awoken with the smell of cigarette smoke. lovely! so we all get up, and we all go down to ge to get some donuts or whatever. so we all just lounge around all day. then jason�s then girlfriend calls up and decides she wants to go to the mall. so aric decides that he�ll drive them out there. we were all going to go, but later on that nite, i hate to be at laurelville for chrysalis! i was a counselor that time, so if i didn�t go, i would have totally been fucked up. so i said no going to the mall, cause i had to pack, etc. so aric leaves with jason and his then girlfriend. i pack, i clean the house, i wait. i wait some more. even more..... quite pissed by now. i was getting calls all day from leanne�s mom, leanne, etc. i was supposed to go drive out to laurelville with them, but i told them that aric was here, and he�d drive me out there. they hated aric as well. so the gave me a deadline. if i wasn�t out there by 8pm, they were gonna call the cops (sure.) so finally 6pm comes around and aric and jason come back. i tell aric i gotta go right now. so jason leaves with some people, and aric and i load up his truck with my stuff. the drive out (1 � hrs) is so quiet. we listen to the tape that made for the drive up. i give him the xtra long directions. hoping we�ll talk a little. not much talking at all. he takes my hand in his and tells me one day, he�ll put a ring on my finger. crazily enough, i believed him. so we got to laurelville, and i get inside the meeting room. everyone is so relieved to see me there. i find out where i�m staying, and aric and i walked down to the cabin and helps me get my stuff into the room. then we walk back up to his truck, and he gets in. we say our goodbyes, and he leaves. i get so mad at myself when i think about him cause i never asked him anything that i wanted to. still, to this day, i have no clue where he is, if he�s dead, how he got aids in the first place, nothing! stupid naive 17 year old girl. but anyways, for the most part, that�s my aric story. as fucked up as i may be, i still think about him when i hear certain songs (circles by soul coughing and freaking possum kingdom by the toadies). i still have his army jacket sitting in my room, along with his favorite flannel. i�m sure my pet spiders have made them both into a nice home by now. and every time i watch forrest gump (dammit! every guy! i swear!!) the part where john lennon is sitting on the couch, i think about him right there. stupid me. so that�s pretty much the story of aric. i can�t believe i survived writing it. i didn�t think i�d ever get it done. i�m sure you�re asleep now, so i�ll be off.... and of course, the perfect ending to the perfect entry... lol. not. too bad he ruined one of my favorite songs! =P punk. when you were languishing in rooms I built to foul you in-and when the wind set down in funnel form and pulled you in-i don't need to walk around in circles-when the ghostly dust of violence traces everything-and when the gas is drained just wreck it, you insured the thing-but I can't sigh now that you made the move-it has gone and gone to dogs, lay down on the floor-for the right price I can get everything-slip into the car, go driving to the farthest star-i don't need to walk around in circles...... ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
