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(8:15 am - 07.18.2003 - 38th ff - i feel  ) 1. when was the last time you cheated? cheated how? on a test? years ago... cheated on a lover? i don't remember dates/years too well. whatever 2. when was the last time you stole? heh. today. razor blades. whoopsie. 3. when was the last time you lied? uhh, last nite when jeanette asked me what was wrong, and i said nothing. duh. stupid girl answer. 4. when was the last time you broke or vandalized another's property? ummm. i'm sure it was something at giant eagle but i can't even remember. so there. 5. when was the last time you hurt a loved one? i'm pretty sure the last person i hurt was mark. right? not on purpose though.... =( pretty interesting friday five this week. makes me feel like a bad person. i keep on flipping back and forth on these feelings for jeanette.... well, not the feelings themselves, but, how i'm handling things. last nite i told her that i shouldn't hope for anything good to happen, because it never has before, and why would it change now? she told me that it would... hmm. i hate that. she makes me hope for good things to happen... but when they don't, i fall so hard. eh. these last few days have been good though. she called at 10 am yesterday (after i thought she wasn't going to call at all) and she wanted me to hang out. we did a bunch of shit too. she paid for lunch, we went to goodwill, i took her to b&d... fun times. i ended up coming home around 4pm and fell asleep. she's so excited to go to lollapalooza (which is tomorrow!), she told me it was the highlight of her year. heh. anything to make her happy. really. she's still feeling pretty sick, so she went home at 4am last nite. of course, i drove her. she was acting all weird when she was getting out of the car. it was after she told me that things would change, and get better... i don't know what to think, or hope for in this whole situation. half of me is thinking we're just taking it incredibly slowly, and she has too much on her mind right now to be with anyone... and the other half of me is saying that she's just giving me a complete mind fuck and she's just keeping me around to use me. who knows. only she does. damnit! mixed signals all over the place! man, this whole entry, and pretty much every other one for the last 2 weeks have been about her. won't someone tell me to shut up about it already? another thing.. heh... she is trying to quit, everything. she got herself off of the xannies. and now she's stopping smoking weed. interesting.... anyhow, sleep for me, until she calls... then out of no where-you put me right back there-you rip my heart right out-you rip my heart right out-and we know what happens-when we get to your house-you rip my heart right out-you rip my heart right out ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 