|
(6:15 am - 09.28.2001 - a new friend and other things - i feel  ) so i'm sitting here, basically being really bored and not doing much of anything, and i get an email! wow! so i open it up and it's a fellow 311 fan! man, 311 fans are the best fans in the land! = D his name (gary livingston)looked familiar, and that's because he's on the 311 street team as well. his name is mentioned twice on the same page that mine is on! that'd be right here he totally rocks, and takes amazing pictures of bands that i love. check the link over there on the left <------- i just love cool people like that! we've been talking for 2+ hrs and i haven't ran outta things to talk about yet! awesome! so what else is new? hmmm, justin went off somewhere in the ship. the bahamas i think. so i haven't talked to him in a few days, and omg, i fucking miss him! i want him so much more than i lead on to. i hate that he knows that too. it just kills me that he knows if he broke up with amy, he could say one word, and i'd be his. that just makes him cocky, and that's never a good thing to be. he wrote me a fairly long email today, which was cool. someone stole all his cds a few days ago. man, i'd cry for days if someone did that to me. i was gonna call him and leave some soad on his voice mail, but i didn't, not yet. i don't know if he'll get in trouble or whatever, cause i don't think he's even allowed to use his cell phone when he's on duty, etc. i really miss talking to him. he never even told me when he'd be able to call me again! damnit! he better tell me when he writes me back! so wed. nite mark calls me, and he basically tells me that he doesn't think he can talk to me anymore. he asked what the chance of us getting back together would be and i said one in five. then he got quiet, for about 5 minutes... and then finally said 'i don't think i can do this anymore.' he wanted to stop calling me, etc. he got all cute-sounding and said, i love you, and i'll miss you. he asked me if i had anything to say, and i said no. i -know- he wanted me to say something else. but i just couldn't, or wouldn't. he wanted me to tell him that i'd miss him too. but i didn't say anything. sure i still love the kid, i mean, he means a lot to me and i care about him a whole heck of a lot, and i always will. right now i'm not in love with him. i don't see that happening anytime soon, or at least i don't think it will. i knew him not calling wouldn't last very long, and it didn't. i was so sad cause my phone didn't ring all day today, and it wasn't cause of mark. i didn't think he'd call. but i came downstairs, and didn't plug in the downstairs phone, and while i was in the kitchen i heard my phone ringing. so i got the one down here in the jack, and it rang again, and guess who it was? yeah, mark. lol big suprise. i knew that would happen. he said he was fucked up and didn't know what he was doing, etc. so we had a longggg ass discussion about 'our relationship' and he finally understood what happened. (long story) so then we talked pretty much normal and it was alright. and he got away with doing something without me even knowing! wtf! lol, that was the first time that that ever happened. (you have no clue what i'm talking about, but that's ok! = P) so i guess we're gonna be friends or whatever, but i did tell him that i didn't want him to call everynite. we'll see... i felt so computer illiterate last nite. i just want to make a web page with some pics on it and link it to my diary, but hell. everything i tried wasn't working out, so i just gave up. so whatever. man, i've been working on this entry for hours now. lol. my sisters birthday is in 3 days. i really am hoping i get up there to be with them. i miss them so much. they are my family!! i still think it's so weird that my sis and i are so alike. keep in mind she's my step-sister. her birthday is 10-1, mine is 1-10. mark always thought we sounded xactly alike, and we do. and for awhile, we looked similar. it was just strange. but i love her! lol on a stupid side note, tonite was garbage nite, and man was the garbage man late! he came close to 7am! he knew i had him so beat that he wouldn't even put up a fight! haha! what a loser! = D i'm so mad at myself that i've gotten back on my messed up late schedule. i hate this! i loved going to bed at a normal time. it was easy for me to do when i actually felt like getting up early. it was so easy when justin would call and wake me up. i had no trouble getting up. yuck, he needs to call me soon! = (
oh yeah, i'm sure everyone has heard about some radio stations banning over 100 songs from being played. some of these choices are just so fucked up. somehow 'down' from 311 made it on there, now, i just don't understand why? they don't mention an airplane, fire, etc in the song, sooo why ban the only song that i ever hear from 311 on the x? damnit. view that messed up list here half the songs on that list, i listen to -daily-! and why did they ban imagine by john lennon? insane. lol. like what someone ; ) said once in a song... "music's what i need to keep my sanity." but hey. that's my opinion.
jeez. i'm so crazy. starz gave me that candle, and i've burned pretty much most of it, and now i can't stop playing with the wax. i'm just crushing it into candle wax dust... i guess i really am -that- bored! oh man, what else can i babble about? blah, i don't feel like writing anymore, i'm sure i wouldn't say anything important anyways.... hmmm, i don't even have a lyric that's been stuck in my head! what's wrong with me!!!!?!? i have found all that shimmers in this world is sure to fade-away again-it's too far away for me to hold-it's too far away-guess i'll let it go... ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
