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(4:40 pm - 10.24.2002 - can you relate? - i feel  ) i know when you're bored, you might go back and reread some of your older entries. most of the time you can't even relate to the person who wrote those same entries. i just reread this entry. painful. i can still recall the feelings there, and the people involved, not that i want to. doesn't it suck when you share yourself with someone, and then you can never forget them, no matter how hard you try? rollercoaster feeling. i remember feeling that with aric. but when i think of that feeling associated with him, the song "love rollercoaster" by rhcp always comes into mind. that song was big around that time, i guess that's why. i wish i could forget about the people that have hurt me in the past, and never forget the details about the people i truly care about. and why must we hurt the ones we love the most? am i the only one that does this? i love mark. i always will. but i've hurt him so much, i don't know how he forgives me, over and over. i know if i was him, i probably wouldn't talk to me again. and no matter what mark might have done to hurt, or upset me in the past, it doesn't even compare to what i've done. the time i got mad at mark for doing absolutely nothing seems so unreal. it was nothing compared to anything that i've done to mark, intentional or not. if i could start over with him, i would. in a heartbeat. i think he may be the one. but have i done too much to repair it? i think i'm way too fickle. my moods change all the time. why is it when we let someone go, that's when we want them back the most? how fucked up is that kind of karma? one person in the relationship, almost always, wants the other person as soon as the other gives up. when will they be on the same wavelength? will that fairytale romance ever come true? see, you give me some time, and i start rambling about mindless shit that i can't even understand. do i swear too much? mother-tell your children not to walk my way-tell your children not to hear my words-what they mean-what they say-mother-can you keep them in the dark for life-can you hide them from the waiting world-oh mother-not about to see your light-and if you wanna find hell with me-i can show you what it's like-till your bleeding ~*~liz i've been hearing 'mother' on the radio a lot lately, and i can't get it out of my head. << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 