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(9:22 am - 11.18.2002 - i still don't give a fuck - i feel  )
you look out for #1, 100% of the time. you're not selfish, you're just
self serving, and above all, independent! besides, fuck'm! it's not
your problem anyways, why should you give a fuck?reminds me of am eminem song. ha as of right now, i hate work. i hate the people there, how much i care, and the new (well, they're a few weeks old now) rules. so fuck work. i decided today, i'm going to stop caring, at work. i could see the sense in caring if there were a raise, or some sort of incentive, but there's nothing!!!!! everything is predetermined. and that's total shit. it feels like i do 100x more than anyone else, and i get shit in return. so fuck it. i do one fucking thing wrong, i turn around, and there's ed breathing down my neck. it's so fucking annoying. i'm sure everyone else's job is like this every once in awhile, so you know how it is. and i don't even know why i'm bitching, it's not going to help anything. but fuck! i'm so done caring. i won an audiovent streetteam mission. cool. it was a fucking video requesting thing. i was at #1, then a week later i was at #5, and now i'm at #7. and i haven't done any requesting since i was at #1. haha. so, yeah. i don't even know if i'm going to the audiovent show tomorrow or not. if i get the tickets (from the streetteam) then i'll have to ask my mom to drop me off or something. if not, i'd still like to go down, at least to meet them. i mean, fuck! but seriously, at the moment, i don't care too much about meeting them. this "i don't give a fuck" mindset has creeped into every aspect of my life. well, almost. i'm still waiting for my prize from the contest i entered and won, and from the freaking greenwheel street team, that i won in august. ugh. it's been raining every nite when i have to walk to work. it's so annoying. it's pretty close to snowing. it got so cold last nite. god, winter is just about here. i've almost colored my whole keyboard black. it's so great. i'm really bored, and destructive. wow. the copy of the perks of being a wallflower that i had lost almost 7 months ago, is finally found. of course, after i bought another one. god. i'm awful. i'm so awful that i'm not writing anymore today just to prove to you just how awful i am. or something. yeah. and i heard you say yesterday-that you hate me-cause of what i put you through-susan i can�t say that i blame you anyway-i`d be lying if i didn�t say it hurt me too ~*~liz
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