|
(7:13 am - 09.01.2001 - meaningless swearing - i feel  ) today was supposed to be my last day at work. it feels -damn- nice to not be working on a weekend. i feel absoutely relieved. whew. omg. do you see the time..?? geez. right now disturbed is on the radio and they -didn't- cut out the best part of the song. =) awesome. got to talk to chris a little bit today. i missed him a lot yesterday. =( he went to go see jsbsb again tonite. lol. that movie was damn funny. i cried tonite. cause of jerkface. he really is immature. and there's no reasoning with him. he made up his mind. god, i wonder if that child will ever grow up. he doesn't even realize what his actions might cause. well he's just gonna keep on backsliding, losing everyone that could have made his life tons better. but of course he's the -only- one that doesn't realize that yet. he thinks he's an adult cause he's 18. he's mistaken. it's sad the way things turn out, but i'm hoping that it's all for the best. whoops. forgot to call trisha again today. i didn't call my mother back either. and starz hasn't called back. =( aand i'll call them both (trish and starz-maybe mom) tonite. i'll babysit for trisha all week until i get a job. i'll tell her i want at least $40 a week too. fuck. that's reasonable. lol i told jenn to call off today so we could go out, but she won't. she told me to call in for her. they would so recoginze my voice. my nice fake secretary voice. like they didn't hear enough of it over the intercom. geez. i just tried to kill this creepy spider, but i missed him and he fell. so now my feet are -not!- on the ground. ick. that creeps me out. ehhh. talked to justin tonite. lol he was drunk as hell. funny stuff. he thinks i'm jealous of amy. not xactly. he passed out. he was drinking alone too. what fun is that? i'm so thankful the majority of my friends aren't like that. i was actually thinking about leanne today. what was that. after all this stuff happening with jerkface i realized that it's kinda like what happened between her and i. we were inseparable!!!! you couldn't say one of our names without saying the other. i couldn't imagine what high school would have been like without her. and every time i try to im rachel, she gets offline...?!? hmm. i can't believe i haven't even seen leanne since laura's graduation party. i'd probably cry if i saw her. no, i know i'd cry if i saw her. she's in my dreams almost always. i miss what we had. i really do. no i'm not gonna cry again tonite! i guess i should be thankful for the time that we were friends.... but, why did that happen!!! she never even gave me the reason why. she said 'you know why.' umm no, not really. i even asked her to please tell me, and she never did. she thought she was being 'motherly' to me. fuck that. when i had a problem i went to her first, cause she's all i knew. she was all i trusted at the time. she turned her back on me. everyday she witnessed how it hurt me. and fuck. nothing. i still don't understand. i guess i never will. hmm. i tried to find the line up for the family values tour tonite (so far, static-x, stp, staind, linkin park...that's all i remember from the radio) but there's no site that i can find!!! =( but the pledge of alligance tour with soad and slipknot and mudvayne is on oct 26 at the friggin mellon arena. that'll be cool cause it's close to halloween, but damn. i haven't been to the arena since gee, umm. bush in like 1998. i hate that place for concerts. oh well. i'm not missing soad though! the new album comes out in 3 days now! i'm xcited! =) but still no fucking word for 311 in pa! fuck i'm getting pissed. i'll definetly ask starz to drive to wv or oh. i'm NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT missing them this year. NOT. all motherfucking caps. i mean business. i'll be so damn depressed if i miss them this year. after all that street-team business too. yeah i think if i give starz major gas money she'll be up for it. she seemed to have a blast last year. umm i keep on seeing and hearing things around my house. weird. it looks like it's gonna be a beautiful day. (well since i won't be at ge, it'll be the best!) it's quarter to 8 now. and i'm still up. i fucked up my plans today to just sleep for a few hours then get up before like 2pm.. nope, got up at 6. like always. at least the ceiling stopped fucking dripping. i keep on coming up with new things to talk about right now. like after i graduated, i asked my mom if we could take some pictures of my in my cap and gown, and that never motherfucking happened. yeah, i got my senior pictures taken, but did she order any...? fuck no. must've been really important to her that i graduated, huh? oh man, and on my graduation day, my dad promised... yeah, the whole family (excluding mom and brad) would all have a great celebration dinner at the village inn(just like what they did for my brother), right after the ceremony. the end of the ceremony comes. my mom takes a few pics, then leaves, assuming my dad would keep his promise and take me out. and what the fuck did he do (should have xpected it) blows me off. leaves me standing there. fucking ass. what did i end up doing..? crying! haha. thank god shari was there. i definetly would have jumped right in the motherfucking river right then. i swear. parental figures in my life are so messed up. sure my dad can ask everyone else about how i am, and what's going on with me, but can he pick up the fucking phone for 15 minutes and get the truth from me...? don't think so. i know the phone rings both ways, and i could easily just call him up and be the bigger person (once again) but i'm the child. shit like that just doesn't make sense to me anymore. how could you go a few years without talking to someone that you raised (i use the term 'raised' very loosely)...? fucking depressing. ur happy cause u smile but how much can u fake ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
