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(5:01 pm - 11.06.2003 - jeanettes letters - i feel  ) this is jeanette's letter to her ex, durbin, written not too long ago. durby,
wow i miss you so much. i wish there was a way i could see you. so hows avella. it's ok out here. i'm much happier in civilization except my other half is missing. i'll be 21 in a month. i'm kinda excited just cause i can actually go out with my friends. they're all over 21. you would love the clud i go to well i told you about it. i can't wait till you can come out. it's a whole different world. so i still don't smoke like i used to, sometimes. i feel a lot better. i'm not as depressed. i save a lot of $ too. it was getting to expensive. damn i give anything to hold you right now. so much has happened i wish you were a pa
rt of. so do you have a job or anything. what do you do out there. god i miss you so much. if i had a way to come out by myself i would. you need to start talking to my sister again so you can come out here with her. so i don't know how this happened but i kinda got involved with this girl. i live with her and we are going to get an apt. i figure it will be cheaper w. two people. i don't want it to be to much. i don't want to get to involved. i don't know what to do. i wish you were here. either way i can't wait till your 18. i hope then you still want to come out here. i have a place ready. now jeanettes letter to me in the same notebook: liz,
i bet you'll love all the capitol letters, huh? sorry. crap your coming down. i only got a minute. your right. i do love being with you. i have to get something off my chest though. i love you so much & i like living with you. ok i just always imagined living by myself. i never really got a chance to do that. it's like if we move in together it's like it will make it.. like i'm ya know, settling down. that scares the shit out of me. i mean and that's it. i didn't correct anything, so those are her words. i found that, what two days ago? then, later at work, i wrote jeanette a letter describing how i know i shouldn't get upset about the things i do, cause we're not together. and i said i knew she was still in love with durbin, and all that crap i think i already wrote about, but anyhow, this is the letter i got in return... liz,
sorry about the capitol letters but i got to get some stuff out. i love you so much. i'm real confused i love you like i never loved anyone else. you have no idea how importantyou are to me. i love everything about you. your amazing. i don't really know how to ask you this but wait first ok you know that i love her but what i have w/ you is more + i do love you more everyday. i don't hate this situation at all. i'm just a little scared everything is happening fast but i know it's right. we fit together. ok i just got your letter but i started writing this first. ok i do love her i'm not sure i love her like i thought. you are not at all just there. you mean everything to me. please believe this comes from my heart i love you. i'm just scared cause your right settling down. but it's not just w/ you. i would be w/ anyone forever is a long time. honestly though your the only person i could see spending forever w/. your amazing everything about you. i'm just making sure i'm right. she was important to me but not like you. your everyhing to me. i been thinking about this alot. she's disappearing. you make me happy. i care about you so much. i don't know how else to say how much i love you. now what i wanted to ask i will understand if you say no cause of her, but i want to be w/ you. i want us to be together. we fit. i love you so much. i love her but i'm not in love, i know this might sound gay but i think we were meant for each other we go together so well. i'm scared but i like it. it's new i mean i've never had anything like this before. it's kinda like we are married. that scare me but then i think of who i'm w/ + it's ok. this isn't just something i thought of tonight. i've been thinking about it for awhile. first i thought we should back off because of her, but then i actually really thought about it + i can't imagine life w/o you. your who i really want to be w/. i'm scared to settle down but i've never meet someone like you. i don't ever want to be apart from you. i love you. i'm scared what your response will be like but i mean every word + i want to be w/ you. i love you, jeanette. so now there's some proof that i'm not fully trusting her feelings. if that letter was written just about a week ago, how did her feelings change so suddenly? i've asked her if she was really sure about everything she wrote and if she really meant it, and she says yes. but it all comes down to the actions behind the words.... we'll see how big of a fool i am soon enough, i bet. ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 