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(2:08 pm - 01.06.2003 - when do i go home? - i feel  ) well, here i am still at jakes. mom and i were supposed to leave this morning, but apparently the snow was out of control, so we're still here. the roads don't look all that bad right now. i still have no clue when we're leaving. either sometime today or tomorrow morning. mom has an appointment tomorrow that she cannot miss. so without a doubt, i'll be home sometime tomorrow. not that i'm looking forward to it. i'm pretty sure that mom is going to stay with me when we get back. that's not the reason i'm not looking forward to going back though. i left the house an absolute wreck. so, while she's at her appointments, i get to clean and then crash and then go to work. ugh. i've had a lot of fun here. it's too weird being in a family type situation though. jake is possibly the most considerate person i've ever met. his son matt is nice. i bet he's feeling pretty uncomfortable having me here. i met jakes other son, josh last nite, along with his fiancee jaime. they both seem really nice. the weirdest thing about being over here, is that in jakes gameroom downstairs, he has the same carpet that we have in our living room back in verona. it's just about the ugliest carpet on the face of the earth too. just strange. we played bingo twice this week. i was a big loser. jake won a bunch of times and mom won a few. i don't think i've ever been in such a family situation this long before. i can't decide if i like it or not. since i've been living alone for so long i got so used to being alone. now i crave alone time. when i get too aggravated with people talking, i have to retreat! strange how that happens. when you're alone, you're starved for some attention and then when you finally get it, you want to be alone. maybe it's just not the attention i was craving. this thing with mark is weird. since i've been over here we've only talked a few times and each time has been... awkward. i hate it. part of me doesn't want to talk to him anymore cause it doesn't feel as special as what it was before, but... how can it be as special as it was before, when it's not supposed to be. sure, when we broke up, it was pretty much mutual... but i just don't know. it just really sucks to be on the other side of things. it seems like we weren't broken up for this long before. i always went back to him. i'm doing everything in my power not to think about him, or the girl he's dating. me? i'm not moving on just yet. i never thought it would hurt as much as it does, but i guess you get what you give. how fucking true is that? so when we go home, i don't really know what will happen next. we're supposed to start working on packing up all the stuff in the house, but then, where will we go? we have quite a few options. we could move in here. (which would be.. interesting), mom got accepted for section 8 housing. so we could still live in allegheny county. or we could move into a highrise over here. i'm seriously up for anything. although i'd really like to get away from allegheny county. sigh. there's no more excuses-no more tears to cry-there's been so many changes-i was so confused-all along you were the one-all the time i never knew ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 