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(3:11 am - 01.26.2002 - stupid sick me (update) - i feel  ) fucking shit. i just wrote a fucking long ass entry and stupid me, it just went away **poof** like that. maybe if i get over it, i'll try it again. see what being sick does? so here i am again, attempting to write my boring ass entry again. hopefully i won't be stupid and try to do two things at once and ruin it all. yes, i multi-task. bad idea. anyways. let's see what i remember from my former entry. (and yes i finally got over being mad at myself at 3:11 am, which is totally appropriate for me...) it always happens. anytime i have more than two days off in a row, i get horribly sick. last week doug scheduled me off for friday, saturday and sunday. any regular person (and i'm not claiming to be regular) would have welcomed this mini-vacation on the weekend. but i was dreading it. i even told doug if he needed me to come in on sunday to call me (he did need me but never bothered to call - so fuck it). and it ended up happening. i got sick on sunday. awful. the weird thing was, mom, ray, and mark and i were/are all sick at the same time. mark and i got sick pretty much at exactly the same time. strange. so of my four scheduled days this week, i ended up working 1 1/2 of them. oh well. doug called tonite to see if i wanted to come in. yeah, that might have happened. a friday nite? you want me to come in and get fucked over at work all nite? i don't think so dougie. not this time. today mom was supposed to go into the hospital for her ect treatments. but since she is sick, she just decided to skip her doctor's appointment. she felt they were pressuring her to go in. which is true, cause they wouldn't be able to run any tests without her being healthy. so she'd just have to sit in the hospital until she got better, which is ridiculous. she won't be going in till sometime next week. i am really not looking forward to it at all either. she wants me to come down and visit her, i really hope i'm strong enough to see her like that. i know ect has a high success rate, but still, there's a chance that they could screw it up, and nothing would be the same. i'm scared about the memory loss that comes with it too. hopefully that won't even happen. what else? i got a surprise call from mat last nite. god i haven't heard from him in almost two months. it was nice to catch up with him. and of course, justin calls at the oddest hours. today he called at around 8am. freaking punk. he only calls to leave crazy messages anymore. at least they make me laugh. i did mess with him one nite when he got drunk. the next morning he called and he asked if i talked to him last nite. (apparently he didn't remember a damn thing from the previous nite). i said something like "oh so you don't remember we're dating now, either?" he got so freaked out. i think he still believes that he was so drunk he asked me out. hehe. i love to mess with him. but believe me, he messes with me twice as much. on wednesday nite at work marilyn went into the office to get a pack of cigarettes (which i'm sure she paid for), and doug went crazy on her. he sent her home immediately. supposedly there's some rule that we aren't allowed in the office at all. doug kept on telling marilyn that she should have known that from being a cashier. well, that's wrong, cause we had to get the cigarettes for the customers, so how could we avoid not going in the office? stupid doug. when he gets on a power trip, there's no stopping him. so marilyn went home and doug told her to talk to mike (the highest manager) in the morning. i did make a mistake and told patrick what had happened. he hates marilyn so he loved the story. i know he told lou, i just hope he doesn't say anything else to anyone else. i shouldn't have said anything to anyone. marilyn is such a sweetie to me. in fact, today, she dropped off some soup and apple juice since she knows i'm sick. the cake that marilyn made me was the only cake i had for my birthday. she's so nice! thankfully no one mentioned it to her yet. i hope no one does either. whew. one of the good things about ge is our video department. even though the selection isn't huge, there are always new releases and older favorites. and it's cheap! for $10 i rented four movies! that's crazy! one was a new release on dvd too! let's see, i rented rockstar (which was pretty good - i loved the fact that they used real musicians in it!), saving silverman (stupid movie just to pass the time), bridget jones's diary (keri told me to rent it), and traffic. i haven't got around to the last two yet. hopefully they'll be good. seems all the movies i've seen recently have been shit. except for finding forrester. that was a good movie. worth the watch, for me at least. fucking garbage man won the battle last nite. since i skipped work, i also skipped the household duties. damnit! now i have to wait another week before he comes and gets this shit! i am going to put it out today though. i don't care. the good thing about being sick - the dreams. who needs drugs when you have illness? my dreams have been so constant. i'll be asleep for 15 minutes and have a dream that seems like it lasts for hours. i've been dreaming about brad a lot lately. what an asshole. just a few days ago, he told mom that he didn't even want to try to get back together with her. that's the one good thing about her going into the hospital though, their anniversary is on february 12th, so maybe her being there will be better than being at ray's. she won't be able to cause any damage to herself. not only have i been dreaming about brad, i've been dreaming about tim almost every nite. i never did find out where my uncle took him. i need to know. i have no closure on that. i know they put grace to sleep, and that was best for her. i still want to get another pet. this house isn't a home without my doggies. maybe i'll get a kitty. who knows. hehe. i got an email from those bastards, outback steakhouse. i should be receiving a $20 gift certificate in the mail soon. heh. good. geez, i think i covered everything that i wrote about before, and even more! oh, and the goddess tovah got me hooked on this game alchemy. i even downloaded it so i wouldn't have to be online to play it! bad bad tovah! =P hehe. i love her anyways. she's also the one that got me hooked on diaryland!!! geez! what an influence she has on me! hehe. it must be that cosmic 311-ups man connection we have. but whew, i'm off for now! (and i didn't finish this entry till 6:20 am, i was busy playing games!) apologies-are all you ever seem to get from me-but just like a child-you make me smile-when you care for me-and you know-independence-is still important for us though-it's easy to make-the stupid mistake-of letting go-my weakness-you know each and every one-but i need to drink-more than you seem to think-before i'm anyone's-and you know-it's a question of lust-it's a question of trust-it's a question of not letting-what we've built up-crumble to dust-it is all of these things and more-that keep us together ~*~liz
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