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(6:56 pm - 10.20.2001 - what color are you? - i feel  ) twenty and going grey. all my life i've been told i have beautiful hair. personally, i hate it. the nite that i was sitting at the 'fancy' restaurant with my aunts, i get evaluated the whole time. am i doing what's best for me? where is my life headed? now as we all know, and are sick of hearing, i dislike most of the things my aunts do. i'm sitting there, minding my own business, and my aunt susie leans over, and starts xamining my roots. she says to me "looks like you've got some grey hair!" now, i've only heard this once before from my great (deceased) art teacher when i was about in fifth grade. no wonder i'm going grey... all this stress. things i wouldn't dare write in my diary. but even without those things, my mom, this whole sitation, all the pressure from my family. it makes sense i'm going grey. duh, and i occasionally dye my hair. there are many levels of critisim that i get from my aunts. but fuck. i feel i've already written enough about them already. the only point to this is that i'm 20 and i'm going grey. damn. thank the lord i got a coupon in the mail today for hair color. looks like i need it pretty badly. i can't believe i actually have 40 hours next week. i've only worked 40 hours at ge (as a cashier) during the holidays... but now on nitestock my hours got beefed up. there's going to be so much to do with thanksgiving and christmas coming up. hopefully i won't get stuck in a busy aisle. i get to work tonite (yay-not) but i'll actually get to see nick. god, i haven't seen him in so long, and i don't think he gets any of the emails that i send him. oh lol. some people read this to know what's going on with me, but it seems i hardly ever write about myself. i write about other people more, and my interactions (or lack of) with them. so anyways. i've taped up a few pictures by my computer here. so i can stay happy. there's one of mark, jenn, jess and joe, nick (the infamous 'thug' picture) and a bunch of senior girls. in every picture i've ever seen of joe, he looks so cute! they capture his personality so well. i just laugh when i look at it. man, i wish it was summer again.... lol. you never hear that coming from me. i forget why.... man. i'm confusing. i heard from justin on friday or thursday nite. amy was going in for some surgery or something. you think i might be confusing? you have no idea of what confusing is, until you get to know justin (first rate!). i called him about 3am lastnite, cause i was bored, and worried about him. i didn't end up hearing back from him until about 10:30am. needless to say, he woke me. then i just couldn't get back to sleep as quickly as i would have liked to. then mark ended up waking me up around 5pm. lol. i just can't win! oh well, it worked out, cause i wanted to get up then anyways. shari called last nite! it was nice to hear from her, but she was a little involved in an aim conversation. she was home and i didn't know! = ( i heard cats in the background, and i thought that was strange, cause you're not allowed to have animals on campus. she went back today. oh well. i wanted to write laura kelly. god, i miss her! can't forget about national slime day this year. national slime day? haha. in high school, laura and i would always write notes to each other in a notebook, and on the april 9th page, there was this huge slimy thing on the page, and we blew it up into national slime day. we had so much fun. i should get out one of our old notebooks and read them. sometimes i totally miss highschool. weird.... i know. mom thinks she wants to come home. but she can't. she said so herself. she can't be in this house, not with the memories, etc. thank god. i have gotten so damn used to living by myself, i wouldn't be able to take it if i had to live with anyone else. not to mention her state. just from that one weekend, seeing her like that immediately depressed me. i can't witness that day in and day out. i wouldn't be able to live. i had this fucked up dream. i was in a park. with 3 other people, and there was a war going on. but not like the hightech wars of today. it was more like the wars you see on old movies. with all the soliders lined up, coming over the hills. well, we were fighting the french (don't ask why... i have no clue) and there was no one on our side, so me and the 3 others had to go fight. we worked our way thru the woods, and the other 3 people got killed almost immediately. then i thought i was going to take on all the soliders by myself... but i got shot. in the ear???? i got shot in my ear! all these soliders were coming to finish off the job, and there was no where for me to go.. so i jumped off the cliff into the water. but i hung there. it was just weird. i have no idea what was on the tv when i was sleeping. lol. but i always tend to have very vivid and fucked up dreams. well damn. i have to do some shit to get ready for work, so i'll write some more later. god, i know you can't wait. i believe them bones are me-some say we're born into the grave-i feel so alone-gonna end up a big ole pile a them bones ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
