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(5:02 am - 11.07.2001 - entry too long? yay guster! - i feel  ) ok, so fuck filling out my 311 logs. it's just too much work to sit down and fill them out all at once. i've been sitting here totally procrastionating all nite and i have one day filled out. that's all for tonite. i have almost a full month of them to fill out. that's so much. it seems just seems like such a big job that i keep on putting it off... until it becomes an even bigger job. lol, it's a never-ending cycle. damn. and yesterday morning i severly burned my tongue and it hurts like hell! i can't stop bothering it, and it's just not fun! haven't updated in awhile due to my constant work schedule. i was off last nite, but frankly, i don't remember what i did. the fog in the mornings has been so thick lately, i couldn't see 10 feet in front of me. insane! some nite last week when i walked into work and saw ctb standing in customer service, she offered up a 'hello'!!! wtf! she must be taking something. i walked by and didn't even notice her, but i did say hello. i'm not that cold. and yay! i finally fixed my leaking ceiling! it was just coming from the upstairs sink, that has been dripping for the last 8 months. i just turned off the water since i never use that sink anyways. now i just have to wait for the carpet down here to dry. thank god it's not dripping anymore. not only was the sound annoying, but there was so much water dripping down constantly, that a good portion of the carpet got soaked. i couldn't even walk thru without soaking my feet and hearing that 'squish' sound. yuck. in the same week both marks grandma and starzs grandfather died. that's a scary thought. starz doesn't seem upset at all about her grandfather. she's more concerned with her love life. as always. mark doesn't let on that he's too upset about his grandma, but you never know. i know i cried. = ( hell, even when my 'uncle bill' died i cried and was upset for about three days, even though i wasn't close to him. i talked to marks mom a little bit about it. i'm glad she doesn't hate me. lol, or, maybe she does, and she's just being nice. omg. so i've had mtv on all nite in the background and over the last two hours, i think they've been playing the same things over and over (not like that's any different from any other time). usually during the nite they play some good stuff (things that would never get played in the daylight hours), but i swear it's the same rotation as it was an hour ago. i've only noticed this cause the soad video came on again, and that makes me happy. lol. = P speaking of soad (system of a down - a 'political' band) i'm pretty sure justin saw them tonite on the tour they did with slipknot. me=jealous! he left this screaming-like message. he was so xcited, screaming something about soad, but i couldn't make it out too well. i didn't call him back. why should i? any time he calls me it's either to brag about something, or it's because he and amy are having problems (or he's drunk, and..) but i don't enjoy talking to him as much as i used to. good for me, i think? yeah, so every day i fall more and more back in love with mark. figures this would happen -after- i break up with him, but it's strange. sure we both understand that we're broken up, but really, nothing is different. he still calls me everynite, we still say 'i love you', infact, i'd say (and i know he'd agree) that our relationship is 10x better than it probably ever was. but, we're broken up... hmmm. he says he's happy i broke up with him. well, good. i'm glad he's happy. if we could have worked thru our problems without the break up, that would have been nice. i'm not sure how i'm feeling about all this. i miss him like hell, but how can i miss him? i love him more than ever, but we're not together. it's really fucked up. but, whatever makes us happy i guess. lol in a side note here about mark... i was talking to marilyn at work one nite, and i was telling her that i called my x-boyfriend... and she said "what did you call him, asshole??!?" lol. well, actually.... ; ) figures those darn honeybears went on sale. = P like i don't think about him enough already. mom called today and told me to get her mail together cause she'd be coming thru town tomorrow for a doctor appointment. she sounded so upset that i haven't called lately, then she added in "you can call your dad too..." uh huh. i emailed him last, and never heard back from him. i haven't spoken to the man in over two years now, it's gonna be hard to start now. yes, i'm stubborn. shwaty. but damnit, why do i always have to be the grown-up with him? arg. i'm not even going into that right now. i'm sure there's enough of that in older entries if you're really interested. you know, i really, really, really love u2. their older albums are so darn good, and they put on a great live show. i don't know if i'm just really weird, but sometimes music moves me to tears. i don't know what it is about certain songs, but it happens. they aren't even memory-induced tears, it's just they way the instruments and vocals blend together. and the lyrics of course. with or without you by u2 has always been one of those songs. i'll never forget the nite i spent crying my eyes out over absoutely nothing while listening to that song. there are a few others, but i can't seem to remember things like that when i want to. a few days ago i looked on unkle nick's site. he put up this totally cute picture of him and nikki. he looks so older in the second picture. i can so totally see he and nikki getting married. same with jess and joe. oh damnit. at least they're happy. someone has to be, right? = P yes. anyways. i hung out with starz tonite. we went to chin's. it's supposed to be a chinese restaurant, but there were some odd things on the menu for a chinese restaurant. things like burgers, meatball hoagies, appetizers... lol. weird shit. we went to target cause i wanted to buy a personal cd player, so i wouldn't have to worry about making mix tapes anymore. i found a really nice one for only $60! it had all the features i wanted it to have too! yay me! lol. we tried to find a paper so we could look at movie times, but there were none to be found. we drove out to destinta anyways. we decided to see serendipity with john cusack! oh yeahhhh baby. lol. it was such a cute movie. i almost cried! but thankfully i didn't. oh yay! there was a trailer for another movie life as a house and the title cut has a song from one of my favorite bands... guster! we also got in some pinball again, even though i almost broke the game! my ball got jammed in between something and it wouldn't let us play anymore, then i hit it. lol. it froze up, so starz went and told the ladies at the front desk, but then it magically started working again. thank god. so we played a few more games. i want to buy a pinball machine! i love that game! i played some racing boat game. my chair wouldn't stop shaking. it was amusing. then we just went to the ge (blah!) in monroeville cause i needed some milk, etc. it's funny to go into other ge's around here to see just how pathetic ours is. it's tiny and our prices are insane. but anyways. nothing else to really say. i missed marks call tonite cause i got home too late for him to stay up (-p-u-n-k-) i was busy looking up into the sky tonite cause the stars were looking amazing. the sky was so clear and the stars were so bright, i just stood there amazed. sometimes the universe is just utterly fascinating. i just love the sky. yep. i love it. i want to marry it. oh man, nevermind that, i'm getting quite tired. yes, so i'm off to lay in my bed and look up at all the magnificence that the nite sky has to offer. and in support of all things guster... here comes the lyrics.... woke up today-to everything grey-and all that i saw-just kept goin on and on-sweep all the pieces under the bed-close all the curtains-and cover my head-and what you wish for won't come true-you aren't surprised love-are you? ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
