|
(10:55 am - 11.14.2001 - begin rant... simon called! - i feel  ) well, yesterday was a complete waste. i called starz around 10am, and she said she'd call me later after she figured out what was going on. she did around 4:30. we planned on going out at 8. i called mark and told him i was going out, and probably wouldn't be coming back until after he was asleep. well around 6:30 starz calls and tells me she's having car trouble, and says she'll call back later. i never heard from her again. but i did get an email invite to her house for thanksgiving. i'm not sure what i'm doing for thanksgiving yet. i went to her house for the last two years. i think. i can't really remember anything that happens (around this time especially). justin called then. he was bitching about amy. of course. that's all he ever calls for anymore. well, almost. talked for a good hour, and then amy beeped in. he said he wasn't going to answer it. i told he he better, cause that's his heart. he loves her. he shouldn't be childish and not pick up the phone. so he took the call. i called mark and he was surprised, but we still didn't talk. he did his homework and i laid there. still feeling sick. he said he'd call me back in about an hour. after i got off the phone with him, i had a message. of all people, it was from simon. wow. i was surprised to hear from him. and quite elated. he said he'd ring back later. i was just lying there, waiting for someone to call. mark or simon. simon beat mark. lol. had a good long conversation with simon. wonderful! too bad i suck at talking. if you ever call me, i never talk. i'm sure i told him that before. well, he found out i wasn't bullshitting. fuck, i couldn't even think of a question to ask him. it's not that i don't want to know, it's just the fear of sounding like an idiot. but that's going to happen anyways. he has quite an adorable laugh though. made me smile. = ) still. we even got to have another chat this morning on yahoo. oh man. i don't know what i'm thinking. i looked for the book he suggested reading. i couldn't find it anywhere, i really had to dig deep. seems it's out of print. and the cheapest copy i could find was about $24 used. poo. damn, he even emailed me! cool, cool. i miss laura kelly. if you guys knew her, you'd love her too. she's so petite and just fucking hilarious. i should send her a card. we shouldn't talk only close to national slime day. i miss shari too! i want to talk to her! i should plan something funky for all of us to do when everyone gets back into town. we should take a road trip. yeah, i'll drive. once i get my license. lol. i miss jess and joe. fuck i miss nick. i even see him once in awhile. but we never 'talk' like we did before. i miss jenn!!! omg! i don't think i have any friends anymore. i can't wait for summer to come (weird coming from me, since i hate the heat!). i just want people to hang out with me, and make me feel human. or something! i don't feel human?!?!?!!! no. i'm a ge robot right now. mark didn't even tell me if he got his card yesterday or not. i wish he didn't get pissed about what i said. i understand his point of view, but... we didn't talk about it yet. i just don't want to bring it up, cause i hate confrontation. yes. i hate it. i dread it. i avoid it at all costs. that's why i try so hard to get along with everyone at work. not just for the fact that i want to be accepted, i just have had enough of being hated. brad hated me. and for what? i didn't do anything to him, until after he did shit to me. i'm not a revengeful person either. i dislike it when i get off my point. so anyways. yes, he didn't tell me whether or not he got his card yet or not. i even wrote "no anthrax contained" on the back of the envelope. lol, the post office probably still has it... thinking it's a joke, and there is anthrax. my luck. so anyways, mark, if you read this, you bring up what we have to talk about, cause i won't. i'm not typing that 'bitchly' either. i just hate talking about things that hurt me. blah blah blah. i hate me. so far i've fully pissed off two people with what i've written in my diary. lol. great. that's xactly what i wanted to do. maybe i should lock my diary? i don't know. geez. they keep on playing this sprite commercial. like mtv doesn't overplay the same 8 videos, now they're doing overplaying the commercials. damn. i talk about the pathetic mtv too much in here. i wish i did have the xpanded cable that gets all the different mtv stations. not just the basic mtv. when i was at missy's house, she had like 8 different mtv stations. and the one totally rocked! it was all the hard-core shit i like, and some classic rock! kick-ass! not any of this overplayed jay-z and nelly shit. i mean, sometimes i can tolerate it, but for the most part, i can't stand it. i'd like to see these rappers pick up and actual instrument and use it. all they know is the microphone and perhaps the mixing boards. that's all. talented? hmmm. lol. you can't call yourself a 'band' if no one in your 'crew' play an instrument. that's why rappers are formed in 'groups.' hehe. ok. rant-done. so anywho. ed is on tonite. i wonder if mark will call me up to watch it. i really wish i didn't make him mad, but, i'm over it. awwww poo. i'm xcited to go to work tonite and talk to mike. damn! he really shouldn't be gay! i can't get his eyes out of my head. i totally wanted to kiss him on sunday nite. his lips are really kissable (when he doesn't have coldsores... lol) but. there's no hope, so i shouldn't even think about him anymore. i'm going to make simon a mix tape. you know i really like ya if i make you a mix. i've made mark, aric, nick, jess, joe, laura, jenn, etc. mixes. leanne and i used to make mixes for each other all the time. hers were pretty good too! fuck, i still listen to them! i even got her to like a few 311 songs! that's just my mission. to get everyone i like, to like some 311. hehe. i'm sooo evil!!!! no seriously. i really am. you have no idea how much my mood has changed while i was writing this entry. i'm so damn over-emotional. i'm a walking tinderbox. lol. ya whatever. it's almost 11am (an incubus song!) so i'm going to try and go to bed. i love you my dear reader. lol. kisses i held back before-but your love took me easily-you got the power-i knew was gonna creep up on me-the more i give-your love keeps coming on strong-although it's mine now-i know it won't be for long ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 