|
(8:55 pm - 05.12.2002 - it's mother's day - i feel  ) i spoke too soon. my problem came back full force and is making my life miserable. still too scared to go to the doctor too. especially with no insurance. maybe i�ll just go to the clinic. my body is truly being evil. maybe i do have something serious and will just drop off from existance. that might turn out to be a good thing. nik and i are a go for x-fest. (hopefully plans won�t change again!) he thinks he�s gonna buy nikki a ticket so she can go too. the punk thinks he�s going to pay me back, but he better know that there�s no way i�m going to let that happen. yay. concerts for liz. that always makes me happy. i made my mom cry. that mix that i made for her worked. i finally wrote out the lyrics to the hidden good charlotte song out on the inside of her card. she was mad at herself because it made her think of all the times she left me home alone on my birthday and whatnot. i never minded. except for one year. it really hurt. i think it was my 18th birthday. but i�m a really forgiving person (not forgetful though). but some things are easier to forget than others. i got to meet her boyfriend. he seems like a really nice guy. he totally reminds me of a character in office space though. the one who burnt down the building and loved his stapler. mom�s boyfriend mumbles and repeats words, so i guess that�s why. mom said he really liked me, so i guess that�s a good thing. to look at him you wouldn�t know he makes close to a million dollars a year. he said he could love me as a daughter. that�d be a first. mom bought me a bunch of homies. we were at k-mart or some other discount store like that and in the kiddie machines out in front, there were these homies. these tiny rubber figurines that represent anyone that lives in tha �hood. but when we saw them, they were completely sold out! since that day i�ve been on a search for da homies. luckily mom found them in a media play out near harrisburg. she also got me a bottle of arbor mist. happy mother�s day to me! we went to vincent�s, cause on mothers day, your mother desereves the best greasy pizza there is. my nephew decided to like me since i gave him some money to play the juke box. of course he had to play creed. ugh. awfulness. but they did have a 311 cd in the box, so i snuck in a song. afterwards, we went to wal-mart cause basically it�s a requirement. it was so packed full of last minute mother�s day shoppers. i wanted out. i think we only spent 30 minutes in there, which, with my mom is unheard of. a wal-mart trip for her always turns out to be 3+ hours. thank god that wasn�t the case last nite. what did i buy? oh yeah, blank cassette tapes and a blank vhs tape to tape 311 on freaking last call with freaking carson daly tomorrow nite! i better not forget. i loathe carson daly. enough said. i ended up getting home around 11:30pm. and surprise of all surprises, there was actually a new snl on. for the last month they�ve all been reruns. wow. for someone who doesn�t really watch that much television, i really do write about it like i�m obsessed with it or something. i never talk to mark anymore. our schedules never work out so we can say more than �how was your day?� �ok how was yours?� �ok, bye.� yeah, that�s been the extent of the most recent of our conversations, which totally sucks. i miss my boy. he�s graduating in like a week. that�s crazy. i first started talking to him when i was about to graduate. he was a freshman back then!!!! it�s seems so long ago! it�s been almost a year since i�ve written a letter to him. maybe i should do that soon. i�m well into girlfriend in a coma by douglas copeland. it�s been excellent reading weather lately too. rain. lovely. i love the fact that i started reading again. i ordered the scarlett letter and the catcher in the rye last week. they should arrive this week. i don�t know what to order next! i just want to always have a book, ready and waiting to read next. it keeps me motivated. oh my gosh. it�s nearly 9pm. i can�t believe i have to work tonite. i�ve had sundays off for the last 2 months or something, but not tonite. fuck. i don�t wanna go. i got up way too early today too. i was awoken by a conversation between my aunt hennie and my grandfather. they were talking about how �depressed� i am. seriously. neither of them have actually spoken to me in months, so how would they even know the state of mind i�m in. they just assume since i�m living alone that i�m depressed. don�t they even consider that some people are quite content, incredibly happy even, to be living alone? it�s something to be cherished. and if they believed that i was so depressed, why wouldn�t they make an attempt to get in contact with me, and spend some time with me? i�m really in a mood to make some mix tapes. i need to get a few more cds to make the tapes that i have stored in my mind though. i'm getting there. i�m thinking about changing the layout here again too. once i get settled with something, i get bored with it quickly. fickle me, as always. shed a tear cause i'm missing you-i'm still alright to smile-girl i think about you every day now-was a time when i wasn't sure-but you set my mind at ease-there is no doubt you're in my heart now-sit here on the stairs cause i'd rather be alone-if i can't have you right now i'll wait dear-sometimes i get so tense but i can't speed up the time-but you know love there's one more thing to consider-said woman take it slow-it'll work itself out fine-all we need is just a little patience ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 