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(7:55 am - 01.21.2003 - why did you mess with forever? - i feel  ) dad and i went out on saturday to the olive garden. my brother showed up too. fun times. my dad loaded me up with drinks, and starz's ex was our waiter. i was like "oh no!", and then when he brought my drink he said "you look familiar, do i know you?" yeah dick, you know me. i even went to a rave with that guy. dad is supposed to fix my dryer cause the belt broke. but he's sick. luckily, i don't think i got sick from being around him, or my brother. they were both sick. mom was supposed to come here yesterday, but she didn't. she had a panic attack and couldn't drive. she's supposed to be coming today. infact, she has an appointment at 10am, so, i should see her before the evening comes, if i'm not asleep. i don't even know if she'll be sleeping here or not. i'm so confused. but i think we'll both end up moving into jakes house. like, soon. or, at least i'd like to. i'm kind of running away from my problems, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. i'm really starting to hate my job too. ed gets his monthly pms and the new guys really fucking suck. bah. mark broke some news to me yesterday. well, not really, i knew what he was going to say, so he didn't say it. he said "i have something important to tell you. and you might not want to talk to me afterwards." i said "i better sit down." yeah, so he slept with his, now, ex-girlfriend. mark was totally pure before he started dating this girl (tawney). never even held hands with a girl. well, anytime he got home from a date with her, i'd ask him if he got his first kiss yet. he always said no. so, this comforted me. but then while we were talking i learned he got his first kiss on the second date. and then he fucked her on the third date, around december 23. during the conversation, i thought he only did it once, but then later learned that it happened 7-10 times. if he felt so awful about doing it the first time, why did he do it again, and again, and again? on sunday he broke up with her because she kept on going over this guys house that she had previously messed around with. in the back of my mind, i always thought mark and i would end up together. never, in a million years would i have thought he'd do this. the two major problems i have with this are 1. why didn't he tell me yes when i asked if he kissed her and 2. why did he do it more than once if he felt awful about it? so yeah. i mean, virginity is a big deal, until you lose it. i just always thought it'd be mine. needless to say, my eyes were killing me yesterday. hopefully i can fill my time with something to take my mind off of the whole situation now. before i'm on my way-i've one more thing to ask-was it worth the price you paid for my never coming back-why did you mess with forever-such a long time to be unkind-why did you mess with forever-don't you call me cruel-cruel is what you're making me do ~*~liz (2:20 pm) mom is here with me, and all is right with the world. << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 