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(9:54 am - 07.03.2003 - you don't see me - i feel  ) don't know why i'm up.... pretty tired. nothing really to say either, as usual. so this whole jeanette thing is fucking me up pretty well. i don't even know how to explain what's going on. i don't think she feels the same way i do. and that would have been ok, but she kind of let on that she did infact, feel the same. now i don't know what to believe. she told me to stay away from her, because she's a total druggie. i took it that she wanted me to stay away from her. she'd prefer it. i know i should... but anyone who's seen the movie say anything, with the gorgeous john cusack, when he says "i want to get hurt!" that's exactly where i am. ugh. i tried my best to not let on, but that failed horribly.... fuck it. mikey licked me last nite. somehow he has the wettest saliva ever. that's about the 5th time he's licked me, and i can still feel the wetness hours later. he only licked my hand, but the other nite he threw some chex mix at me and a piece landed right on my bare chest, and stayed there... so he got up and ate it right off of me. he's such a freak. foos show is next week. i'm excited. if i actually get within 5 feet of dave grohl, i will be fainting. dave grohl man. unfuckingbelievable! i might be selling my lollapalooza tickets, i just don't know. i haven't asked anyone else to go.. eh, whatever. pointless to think about. it's july and i have a fucking cold. i don't know where it came from, but it fucked me up good for a few days, i am still sneezing and gross stuff like that.. but yeah. i have absolutely nothing else to say today, so this has to end. one more thing: why do i like lollipop lust kill so much???!?! the ending of the perfect woman where it kicks in "you know death becomes you" is so great. and i think bury you is a fucking great song. yeah, that's it. difficult not to feel a little bit-disappointed and passed over-when i look right through-to see you naked but oblivious-and you don't see me-here i am expecting just a little bit-too much from the wounded-but i see-see through it all-see through-see you-oh well-oh well-apparently nothing-apparently nothing at all-you don't, you don't-you don't see me ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 