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(8:25 am - 12.31.2001 - new year's eve - i feel  ) something totally weird is going on. this girl liz joined one of my diaryrings, so i signed her guestbook. then somehow, the person that was reviewing her diary signed my guestbook instead of hers. everytime i go to sign her guestbook to tell her that, the entry keeps on showing up in my guestbook. fucking weird. i wonder what could be wrong? i can't figure it out. friday was patricks birthday. at first, he came up to me and said "it's my birthday...." and i looked at my watch to confirm that it was, and then i hugged him and wished him a happy birthday. then i asked him what he wanted. lol oops! bad move... he winked and kinda sorta pretended to unzip his pants. i'm not sure if he really did or not, cause i wasn't looking! lol. i said "right here? right now?" (we were in the middle of my aisle) he said now was as good as a time as any. i just laughed. he ended up walking away after a few seconds. later on i got him a card, balloon, a few lottery tickets, and some cupcakes. everyone made a big deal out of it. sean came in at 5am, so naturally joe teased me for talking to him too. he thinks i want to date everyone that i talk to. crazy old joe. i was sitting in front of the computer a few mornings ago, and fucking hell, i fell asleep for 30 minutes, just sitting here. i felt like a total idiot. (but that's nothing new) i'm still apologizing to the person i was talking to. i felt like such an ass when i woke up around 10:50am, and saw that the last message i sent was around 10:28am. i even think i was drooling. real attractive, huh? i laugh everytime i think about it though. i must have looked so fucking funny. well, i always do, but that's besides the point. tonite was the nite from hell at work. true, i might have said this before, but tonite, was the worst yet, by far. i didn't get my backstock into the back until 6:45am.. it should have been there by fucking like 4am. we were so behind, it wasn't even funny. but amazingly enough we all were done around 7:30. fucking unbelievable. i hope we don't have another nite like that for awhile. thank god i have the next two days off. i need to recover from the horror that was tonite. so tonite is new year's eve here in pennsylvania. where will i be? i'm probably going to call mom later to see if ray is going to be home. if he's not, then i'll go be with mom. i know she'll just end up going to bed early, but fuck, what else am i going to do? i just feel like i need to be there for her, incase she decides to do something stupid. holy hell, i'm turning 21 in 10 days. i can't believe it. time fucking flew. i wonder if i'll be doing anything for my birthday? probably not. i did request off the 10th and 11th, hopefully doug will get my note. over christmas i finished reading a really good book. i'm glad someone was so kind to have gotten it for me. it made me want to move. lol. maybe i will. when i talk to someone and they tell me i'm perfect (which i definitely am not - no one is) i almost cringe. i really believe that it's the persons imperfections that make them special, molds their personality. where would we be without imperfections? i know i wouldn't want to be perfect. it's self-doubt that motivates you to prove yourself wrong when you're facing challenging things or situations. i cherish my many imperfections. don't you? i really want to be in bed right now. i'm fucking freezing, sore, and tired. my mind has been sort of preoccupied all nite. i didn't break anything though! hehe. i haven't for awhile. just too many thoughts racing through my head. i wonder who that person was that signed my book and called me a crazy white girl. has to be someone that knows me, right? how would they know i'm white? lol. who knows. fucking strangers. holy hell. my counter is almost to 1000. that's fucking insane! must be all the times i look at my diary, cause i just love it so much! hehe. i'm such a dork. see, i even made this quiz just to show you what a dork i am. they are just stupid questions about me. i can't believe i passed. lol. if you're bored, take it and enter your name in the hall of fame. hey thanks. so now i have all these goosebumps to show you just how cold i am. i better climb into bed and have some more fucked up dreams. (and i'm not going to write about my current dreams in here, cause they are just too fucked. seriously.) fuck, i hate being sick too. i got this cold like two days before christmas, and now's it taking over my whole body. fuck it all to hell....... jane says-i'm going away to spain-when i get my money saved-i'm gonna start tomorrow-she gets mad-and she starts to cry-takes a swing but she can't hit-she don't mean no harm-she just don't know-what else to do about it ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 