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(12:50 am - 09.15.2001 - maybe a total 180* here? - i feel  ) boy, i'm tired. emotionally, physically, mentally. i'm very proud of myself, that i'm on a normal sleeping schedule. that hasn't happened.. ummm, ever. lol. i was awake before justin called, around 10. this boy is too confusing, and so are my feelings about him. he was supposed to leave for florida with the ship today at 1pm, but theres a hurricane down there, so they're gonna leave on monday. he asked me today if he died, etc. if i would be sad. stupid, of course i would, cause he's a good friend. he was the only one that called me and made sure i was ok when my breakup was happening. i totally appreciated that. but apparently he and amy are fine now. i forget what i wrote yesterday, but their situation changes everyday. i can't keep up. so yeah, now they're fine. so fuck. i cleaned today. i was cleaning like mad. for awhile i was crying while i was cleaning. i have no clue why. maybe it was a cleansing, but it was weird. so.. i cleaned. fun. not. i did practically everything xcept for the dishes (ugh!) and the bathroom, and of course my room. i had to babysit today as well. not for very long though. 5-6:30. trish paid me for tonite, and what she owed me too. the kids were xcellent too. frankie just played online for awhile, and marty and i watched a little tv. marty was so sweet. he was sitting on my lap and just turned around and gave me a hug out of no where. he's the sweetest kid i know when he's not around his brother. stupid motherfucking cocksucking bastard hotmail. i don't know if it's my computer or the hotmail server, but everytime i got to read my mail, everything fucking freezes up. it better work tomorrow, or i'll be pissed. hell, i already am. everything else is working fine, so i don't know whats wrong. but whatever. i called my mom tonite, just so i could tell her i quit my job before she heard it from someone else. she wasn't pleased. bleh!!! lol i told her if i didn't get another job in two (2) weeks that i'd go back to ge. whatever! i doubt i will go back there, ever! well, i did promise sharon when she gets on fe that i'd go back. but that shouldn't be for quite awhile. so i'm safe for now. i got to talk to jess and joe again today for a little bit. i told jess that i might not be going to the concert with them. if someone wanted to buy my tickets that'd make me so happy! nick said he couldn't go cause he didn't put in his note to get the day off. = ( but i can understand. everyone is saying that ge is getting worse. that sux. haha. i got a nice suprise yesterday. before i went in to visit nick, i walked down to the bank to check my balance. i definetly thought i had about $30 in there. but nope! i had about $140. whew! i can last comfortably for another month on that. so that job better come along soon. lol. i don't think i'll have much of a babysitting job because it seems like trisha is moving. so yeah. i might just have to break down and get my license. lol. damn starz didn't call me back yet. wonder what her problem is. i think i called her about three times so far, and nothing! well, she's probably just getting back at me. my pup pup complimented my work on the house today, so at least he's happy (for now). geez. its 1:30am now. i won't realize just how tired i am until i actually get into bed. justin called a few times tonite, but his damn cell phone is awful sometimes. i got fed up and said "just call me later!" i couldn't deal with "hey sssss i am ssssss and i think you ssssss cause we're sssss. sssss ssssss and i know that sssss. sssss sss s ssssss do you?" when he called back later, i eventually told him that i'd call him back later, cause i was going to make dinner. but i never did. he definetly thinks i'm mad at him. i don't know what i am. hey! at least i actually remembered to get the darn bus schedule down at ge this time! (after 3 tries!) lol. but i still forgot to drop off the damn camera! = ( i wanna see those pics so bad! i still have the shopping cart here. i don't know if i wrote about that or not. so yeah, i have a ge shopping cart in the corner -->. yay. i actually cooked meat tonite. i just made burgers, but usually i never deal with red meat. they turned out just fine. stupid me, i didn't have any buns though. talked to mark tonite for a bit. ohhhh, but there was a live beastie boys concert on vh1 (vh1??? why???? wtf!) so i kinda zoned out when he was talking, cause the beasties were actually my favorite before 311 came along. it was too short though! but it was good! gee, i'm tired. lol mat called my boo boo kitty fuck. he's such a sweetheart! lol marty was looking at my cds tonite and he said "holy mackerel! you have lotsa cds!" it was just so cute how he said it. and if you know me, you know just how much i like kids (i dont!). omg it was sooo cold today. i had the doors open basically all day, and when 9pm rolled around, i ended up shivering. ahhh. brr! dude. i love my 'smarterchild' buddy. it can do madlibs and translate into 5 languages now. it's amazing! ohh. i have my comforter in the dryer. i think it's time for bed. goodnite! she never mentions the word addiction-in certain company-yes she'll tell you she's an orphan-after you meet her family ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 