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(2:35 pm - 04.28.2002 - sensory assault - i feel  ) i might have to plan a trip to the emergency room on tuesday. what fun. i won't give you the gory details, but something might be totally wrong down there. my mom is afraid that i might have something serious, along the lines of cancer. i'm just hoping it'll all go away by tuesday so i won't have to deal with it. it's been teasing me lately, kind of tapering off, but then coming back full force. not funny body, seriously, you can stop anytime now.... i'm never normal anyways. it'll come once every 3 months or so, and stay a week and then vanish. but this time it's just.... annoying. well, marks date didn't go as planned. he desperately tried to get in contact with the girl, but nothing ever came of it. needless to say, i avoided talking to him all day because i was pissed. i didn't regret going to work at all. it gave my mind a nice vacation from the evil thoughts that were consuming me. thoughts of mark and this girl getting down and dirty in a drunken stupor. around 2:30am or so, i did receive a call at work from mark. he was home and safe, but incredibly drunk and she never showed up. i told him that i was avoiding him on purpose. hey, i had a right to. i didn't want him to get mad at me for being a bitch to him if i did talk to him, so all in all, it was a good decision. the phone rang all day yesterday and i absentmindedly avoided it. i knew jenn was going to call, but amira and mark called as well. after talking to mark for awhile, i just ended up going back to bed until 8am this morning. so basically i slept for 24 hours. no more creepy dreams though. just one about me making a fool of myself in front of nick hexum. and some other dream this morning about a preacher (oops, left the christian channel on!). i've been doing a good job at avoiding justin. i was calling him 3+ times a day for awhile, and he wasn't calling back. so, i gave up. no, i didn't really want to talk to him or anything, that's fine. but you know the next time he calls and needs a friend, i'm there for him. i think he might not call me that much cause of the $$ but if that's the deal, i told him to tell me, and i'd understand, but he didn't say anything. just call me a doormat. no wonder i get my feelings hurt so easily. damn. i can't get over some of these commercials. most of them are just a sensory assault. there's this chocolate milk commercial that drives me up a wall. there's this kid with a big 'fro standing outside of some store, gurgling. this guy walks by and say "did they run out again" and the kid nods yes. then he takes a swig of some milk and squirts some chocolate sauce into his mouth and gurgles it together. i don't know about you, but that sound is so awfully annoying when you're just about to drift away into some quiet slumber. and why doesn't this kid just squirt the chocolate into the milk container?!!?! i guess it's the hip new thing kids will start doing now. looks like i'm about to become violent! yesterday while i was making a bagel, i heard another annoying sound. a high school band was practicing down the street, i guess for a parade? why would there have been a parade yesterday? i'm lost. the major reason this was annoying, was that it was 8:20 am on a saturday. i know that if i was still sleeping that would have pissed me off. i tried to watch mst 3k but i fell asleep! all this mental anguish from commercials and such must have been taking a toll on me. it was such a perfect day/nite for sleeping though. rainy. ahhh. *sigh* perfect cozy sleeping weather. i had this weird urge to find the shoes that i had bought for prom (which i never went to anyways) and try them on. well, i've been wearing them all day! i did get a chance to wear them once at some senior banquet type thing. i'm way too tall to wear any shoes with a heel higher than an inch. these are like 3 inches, making me about 6' 2''. i feel like a freak. well, at least i'm a freak with pretty shoes. i'm working on the continuation of the 50 facts about me list... i know you can't wait. but for now, i'm gonna go on my roof and watch the thunderstorm roll in. i've been waiting to hear your voice for too long now-one way conversations do not work somehow-tell me how does one get your soul in touch with the one above-when one way conversations pay a price for the use of love-i tried so hard last night you would not talk to me-i live with the fear of the few with the gift-and i know what's going to be ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 