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(8:39 am - 11.10.2002 - *sigh* happiness despite... - i feel  ) .oops. hopefully someone will outbid me quickly on this. and the guy only accepts money orders, not paypal. fuck! i wanted this by the day of the show on the 19th. auction ends on the 14th. he'll probably wait till he gets the money order to send it, so did i just fuck myself over? maybe i'll get lucky and bidding will get way too high for me, like it is for this!!! wow! i don't think i'd ever pay that much for a cd, well, unless it was something really special by 311. i hate complaining about being broke, cause i know everyone (well, at least everyone that i know) is. but damn. my mom opened an envelope yestday and we now owe verizon about $900. yeah. when mom used to live here, i had my own phone #. well, either mom neglected to get me a long distance plan, or she just thought it would be the same as hers, but, it sure wasn't. they charged about .29� - .35� a minute! not a good thing when i talked to mark a lot, cause neither of us were as busy as we are now. what a nice way to welcome in the holidays. at least i can take in the beauty that was this morning. the second i stepped outside of ge, i felt good. it was warm(!) this morning! walking home, with my new christmas lucky charms and orange juice, listening to chevelle. it was so nice! i came inside and opened all the doors and shut off the furnace. considering that i only got 3 hours of sleep yesterday, i should have gone straight to bed, but, it's sunday morning! and sunday morning means good 80's music on the radio. i think it's my favorite day. well, morning at least. so i sat down to eat my special christmas lucky charms, listening to the radio, feeling a nice breeze come thru the house, and then, ever so slightly, it began to rain. *sigh*. the perfect sunday morning. had a dream about leanne yesterday during my quick naptime. so real, as always. went to mom's to have some yummy dinner. good stuff. stovetop. i was satisfied. i can't wait to go to the eye doctor on tuesday. maybe i'll actually get to see things for once. i'm so blind. i'm gonna get me a pair of thick black frames. i'll just be a pseudo-emo-loser girl, fuck, i'm not a girl anymore. i'm almost 22. that gives me a freaking heart attack. i'm probably 1/4 (or more) done with my life, and what have i accomplished???? nothing! i am the biggest loserist soon-to-be 22 year old ever. but that won't last for long. i can't wait for these changes about to happen. i can't wait to move, get the hell out of here and start my life. i can't wait to life. all this time i've just been exsisting, and that's not good enough for me anymore. excited! well, i don't want this to be too horribly long, cause i know what a bitch those long ones can be to read, so i'll leave you.... possibly not wanting more. you know i really wanna see you when you know i might not-and you make me want you more when you hurt me a lot-i say i really love you and you say that you don't-and it really turns me on when you say that you won't ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents |
