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(5:18 am - 12.13.2001 - mall/movies - i feel  ) tuesday. i spent too much cash on tuesday. figures after i start building up my puny little bank account, christmas comes along and robs me. but i love buying presents. i always wish i could buy more. if only my budget wasn't so tiny. i got marks stuff completely finished in one day. bought, wrapped, mailed and all. fucking postage for the package was $20. i think postage should be free the rest of the year! starz and i went to the mall and i bought her a a new keypad for her cell. there's only a few reasons that i like the mall. besides the fact that they have slushies, a nice selection of cards in g.thanks, hmmm, and that's about it. i wouldn't go there at all if i could avoid it. i really do hate the mall. especially our crappy mall. anyways.. starz was showing me some pictures of her new boyfriend, dave. i noticed on the page that shows all the pictures that were on the roll, well, there was a picture of starz kissing another girl. lol. i think it was just for fun though. it was weird to see for some reason. i never imagined starz would do something like that. starz stuffed me yesterday. we went to kings and ate. she made me get dessert too. i was so fucking full. she bought her brothers hermit crabs. there were the most fucking active little bitches i've ever seen. i'm glad they won't be in my house. made her drop me off at good old ge. i needed to get some shit. found out that clarece (phil) was working in the lot. poor guy. at least he still has a job. picked up some things and went home. i rented america's sweethearts, requiem for a dream, and the virgin suicides. i watched both america's sweethearts and requiem for a dream. god jared leto. with that black hair, and those eyes. wonderful. both seth green and john cusack were in america's sweethearts. it was alright. i watched a bronx tale on tv too. i was a slug today. i had to walk down to ge to return america's sweethearts, cause it would have been late if i didn't. i went down around 2:30am, and of course, i saw doug. but i pretended not to see him so i wouldn't have to say hello. at least i won't have late charges. i had something semi-intersting to say.. but now it seems i've forgotten what i wanted to say. like it fucking matters anyways. i had too much time off this week. i'm going crazy. i don't want my mom to get her e.c.t. treatments done. that scares me shitless for some reason. i'm afraid they'll fuck it up, and she'll be braindead for the rest of her life. fucking doctors already fucked her up enough with all the motherfucking meds. i can tell... she's already lost... something. i can't point to exactly what it is... but it's gone. they're selling the house after the holidays. very nice. fuck. no pressure there. you have no idea what the involves. first off, the house is an absolute wreck. even before brad and mom moved out, the house it literally falling apart. my room is awful. where am i going to go? i can't even imagine what it'll be like living with mom again. i won't be able to handle it. fuck fuck fuck!!! but anyways.. i'll be on my way.. no one wants me around anyhow....
i'm such a sucker for pet names such as 'darling' and 'honey'. those two names kill me. but some people can't get away with saying them. you know what i mean? i mean, you can find a kind of charm in it.. but it doesn't melt you. some people can call me 'darling' and i absolutely melt. i'm total putty. that's such a girl thing. you can call a man pet names... but i don't think any man likes it as much as i do. i get all flustered and weak. that feeling in your stomach. it's there when someone calls me those names... and means it. nothing better than being adored. there are a few words i just melt over. and there are a few that make me cringe when i hear them. i guess everyone is that way though. but call me 'darling' or 'honey' the right way.. and... well.. yeah. lol. i had no hand-in your ever desperate plan-it returns and when it lands-words are due-i should've known-we were better off alone-i looked and i was shown-you were too-i've taken all and i've endured-one day this all will fade i'm sure ~*~liz << - >> if you really loved me, you'd buy me presents | 